Things That Could Happen

The NY Times Blog, Opinionator, ponders the use of the word “yet” in the most recent John McCain campaign ads. Here is the voice over line in question. “The fact is Barack Obama’s not ready … yet.” Columnist Tobin Harshaw goes on to quotes the New Republic’s Jason Zengerle. “Maybe McCain’s final Hail Mary is to pledge to serve one term … and then to pledge his support to Obama in 2012.”

That is not likely, but McCain could pledge to serve one term to be elected. It is just that the pledge business has not proven to be his long suit and the electorate knows it. That makes me wonder just what else could the aged former jet-jockey do to create an October surprise and “fool the pundits”?

He could dump the current running mate, for the ‘good of Alaska in its troubled time’, and replace her with Joe Lieberman so that they could both serve one term. That team would have been plausible had he gone with his esteemed colleague before his convention surprise, when he one-upped the Times’ Kristol and Post’s Gerson in their adoration of the divine Sarah. Of course such a move would allow her to replace Ted Stevens with herself, but that’s a separate matter.

McCain could himself withdraw and recommend Mitt Romney to replace him as the party’s standard bearer. There is nothing as sweet as the tinkling of a bell, unless it is made of lead (atomic number: 82). However, Romney would never agree to wearing sack cloth and ashes. Since McCain is in her way anyway, Palin would not blink at trying to finish the run by herself.

Actually, that’s not accurate. She would still have Kristol and Gerson.

Call Jerry Bruckheimer

There is still time to redeem the GOP in what is left of their limping campaign. The way I see it, there is a choice to be made. Dump that vapid racist Palin from the ticket and bring in Mac’s buddy Joe Lieberman to run for one term, the both of them. Or, call Jerry Bruckheimer to produce a Republican replacement show, titled At All Costs.

The first choice has all kinds of merit. It would show that Mr. McCain is indeed putting the country first, admitting he made a colossal mistake, and acting like the maverick he claims to be. The move would usher in some serious debate, albeit a little late and not of the TV variety; but debate among the electorate. Besides, everyone is used to Mac’s erratic lurches and such a team could be formidable.

The second choice has equal merit. For the good of the country, McCain could withdraw, taking his rube mate with him. It wouldn’t take Mr. Bruckheimer long to create the new GOP show, casting Tim Robbins as the presidential candidate and Susan Sarandon as his running mate – something they already are. Certainly, the attack ads would have more class and the rallies would be more optimistic.

Martin Sheen, Michael Douglas and Kevin Kline have each done the office of POTUS a great service. The Robbins-Sarandon ticket kicks the process into a new level. I originally thought of Nick Cage and Lauren Hutton for the leads; but, the pesky economic situation muddies everything. Besides, it’s not like the Republicans are too cash strapped to afford Bruckheimer. Then again, maybe they are.

The only thing I would insist upon with a devamped (ad that to your spell checker) McCain-Lieberman ticket is that they sign an agreement that if elected, they will not pardon President Bush. W needs his place in history -- in a penitentiary.